Life Stories: Life is hard without cupcakes…


(Reader be warned, the bizarre tale you are about to read was inspired by true events!)

Life is hard without cupcakes…


Yes, I am a total hermit bitch who lives under a rock…And the mushrooms who live here too – keep whispering with soft, squishy, puffy voices, to get out from under the rock and get some cupcakes!

Yummy ones…delicious ones…ones that’ll make ya do crazy things – especially if they are the ones with loads of sweet, fat, frosted toppings…yea’ those ones…and by ones – I mean like a half dozen at least…that’ll be just for me; the mushrooms only get the crumbs!

Shush! They’ll be fat crumbs!

Anyways, don’t mind them…So I thought, oh today it’s not raining, today, I could totally be out from under the rock today – and go to Oakland and be on my fat way – make it a merry cupcake day!

And, oh, I just heard from someones, actual people, not mushrooms (and yes, those little soft, squishy bitches were jealous that I talked to people someones!) but the mushrooms forgave me when they found out that I heard from the someones that there are cupcakes from Fat Bottom Bakery! And not just any ol’ cupcakes, but vegan cupcakes – delicious vegan cupcakes!

Now the mushrooms can’t stop whispering to me about getting those ones, those yummy cupcakes ones…vegan ones… ones with loads of sweet, fat, frosted toppings…yea’ those ones… ones from Fat Bottom Bakery!

Alright, already I will! I will, I will get those ones!

But then, what?

No actual store? What do ya mean, Fat Bottom Bakery doesn’t have a store?!

Oh no, the day is ruined without cupcakes!!!

So sad 😦

Oh well…

Dear Fat Bottom Bakery,
May I please see a menu by email? I’ll order right away!

The mushrooms and I are gonna roll a leprechaun and take his gold …then all the yummy cupcakes we’ll be ours!  


Hermit note: The events described above occurred originally in the year 2009 (in an email from me to Fat Bottom Bakery – baker Carolynn). Sadly, the mushrooms and I didn’t get the leprechaun’s gold… and even more tragically Fat Bottom Bakery is no more – they closed – sigh,  and life is hard without cupcakes!

(Image Credit: Snow White unknown, Pooh -Unknown,  other picture Fat Bottom Bakery)




2 thoughts on “Life Stories: Life is hard without cupcakes…

  1. This is the greatest story. I started laughing from the beginning. I can just picture you going through this. Love it! Love it! Love it!

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