(Approximate reading time: 5 minutes)
Essay: Definition Part 2. I am the author…
It’s ironic that people, family, society at large and in particular psychologist decide to classify transsexualism as a disorder both physically and mentally – a kind of dysphoria and a form of identity crisis.
And yet, they are only observers to the experience at best.
It is ourselves, those of us who accept and challenge the definition of transsexual for ourselves, who can truly define what it means and is to be transsexual; and we can show the true nature of what it is and what it means to define as a transsexual.
If I must choose to define myself to be defined by my gender, I cannot be a man or a woman. I cannot. And I must insist I am a transsexual – for those of you who only know the reality of men and women so that maybe, you begin to understand who I am. But honestly and with all sincerity, I cannot accept a definition of me being one who was born one gender and wishing to be considered the opposite gender. I never changed my gender. My gender is my gender, just the way I was born. The fact that I have had to transition from one erroneous stereotype of gender male into a gender female for the purpose of legality and socialization is just that – a transition of paper and social identity; but not an actual transformation of my innate gender.
For me, being a transsexual is not just the act of transforming and transgressing the social and cultural ideas of binary gender from one contemporary idea of biological form to the other. For me being a transsexual is really the act of changing through those same boundaries of gender that comes from the necessity of the demand of adherence to a strict binary gender code of the prevailing culture; one that is obsessed in distinguishing a cultivated male power and male identity for the purpose of ensuring the exclusive authority of patriarchal power and its hierarchical ordering of everything else – that is not man; which includes women and children under male rule.
This demand for men and women is so that there can only be men and women in the ultimate power play to rule the world, and stems from a male desire where only men are in charge and is just the beginning for where my peaceful protest begins.
I simply refuse to be defined a man or a woman; and in truth to protest that – even in accepting a definition of transsexual; I am really refusing it – because it cannot define me except in the illusionary choice of a stereotype of what it is to be a male and female gender; and for me in such a choice as that there really is no choice; except to try and be brave and honor myself and do what I must to prove – I am who I say I am, especially, when I say I am not a man who wants to be a woman, and I am not a woman who use to be a man. And here I am writing this as an act of protest against having to define myself a transsexual.
I feel to accept being defined a man is impossible. To accept being defined a woman is also impossible; because that makes me a transsexual standing on the edge of invisibility; where I am a woman; one who by definition use to be a man. And so although like a woman is not a man; I also am not a man. And yet to be defined a transsexual can only mean to you that I was born a man and became a woman…and again I become invisible.
I refuse to accept that my innate gender is not acknowledged as equally as valid and real and tangible as men and women define their own. I refuse to accept that my gender identity should just be quietly subverted into becoming one of the dominant binary genders of either male or female.
As such I refuse to accept that being a transsexual is about being a sexually confused male or female. My sense of gender is profoundly full of self-clarity; one that is not male or female.
I have an unyielding sense of gender self that refuses anyone that seeks to limit me and define me under an effort of binary gender control.
I know my true self, and with it the sense and recognition of the principal self of who and what I am. The fact that I have exercised an ability to introduce the male and female dualities that culturally have been exasperated into a social and cultural schism of identity, and done so by uniting both male and female into a single expression of my self is not without great perseverance and determination; which I could not have achieved if I were so confused that I did not know the truth of who I truly am.
I am the author of this definition.
Transsexualism is the handsome beauty of personal power between the hypnotic rule of the severed genders. A transsexual is a metaphor for personal self-clarity and the articulation of personal principal. A powerful being that reflects the attributes of human potential and has the courage and determination to show the possibility that there is always another way of being.